What is dating violence?                         

Dating violence is any intentional, physical, psychological, or sexual attack on one partner by the other in a dating relationship. Dating violence involves being repeatedly abused or mistreated by a dating partner. This may include physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse. The abuse may occur during a relationship, while the couple is breaking up, or after the relationship has ended. Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse is not about the desire to harm others but rather it is based on the idea of wanting to gain power and control over another person.

Who is affected by dating violence?

  • 1 in 5 high school girls have been abused, physically and/or sexually (American Medical Association)
  • 1/3 of high school and college students experience violence in an intimate relationship (Women’s Health, 1994)
  • Violence against women occurs in 20% of dating couples (American Psychological Association, 1996)

Early Warning Signs of Dating Violence

  • Extreme jealousy
  • Controlling behaviors
  • Quick involvement
  • Unpredictable mood swings
  • Alcohol and drug use
  • Explosive anger
  • Isolates you from friends and family
  • Uses force during an argument
  • Shows hypersensitivity
  • Believes in rigid sex roles
  • Blames others for his/her problems or feelings
  • Cruel to animals or children
  • Verbally abusive
  • Abused former partners
  • Threatens violence

Are you going out with someone who…

  • Is jealous or possessive of you?
  • Won’t let you have friends?
  • Doesn’t like you hanging out with your family?
  • Won’t accept breaking up?
  • Makes all the decisions?
  • Will not let you go out, get a job or go to school without their permission?
  • Does not take your opinion seriously?
  • Forces you to justify everything you do, every place you go and every person you see?
  • Has wrongly and repeatedly accused you of flirting or having sex with others?
  • Makes you worry about how he/she will react to things you do or say?
  • Has a temper that frightens you?
  • You are afraid to disagree with?
  • Pressures you for sex?
  • Blames you when he/she mistreats you?
  • Is violent or has a history of fighting?
  • Threatens you in anyway or uses weapons?

Emotional Abuse Checklist

q  Does your partner get angry when you talk on the phone?

q  Does your partner open your mail?

q  Does your partner keep you from seeing your friends?

q  Is your partner angry when you are just a little late getting home?

q  Does your partner when you home when he/she is home?

q  Do you worry about what your partner will think of your make-up , hairstyle or how you dress?

q  Do you ask your partner who you can see and where you can go?

q  Are you careful of what you say so that your partner won’t get upset?

q  Do you feel that you are “walking on eggshells”?

q  Does your partner call you names like “stupid”, bitch” or other foul words?

q  Does your partner tell you what is wrong with you in front of other people?

q  Has your partner made you do things that make you feel ashamed?

q  Does your partner say that no one else would want you?

q  Does your partner threaten to leave you?

q  Has your partner refused to let you go out unless you do what he/she says?

q  Does your partner threaten to beat you if you don’t obey?

q  Does your partner keep you up late asking about your past relationships?

q  Do you work so hard to please your partner that you feel worn out?

q  Do you feel sick, yet you don’t know what is wrong?

q  Are you unable to do things that you used to do easily?

q  Does your partner demand that supper be served right on the minute?

q  Does your partner insist that the house look “just so”?

q  Do you have to report how you spend every dollar?

q  After your partner has hit you, does he/she give you a gift or take you out?

q  When you decide to leave, does your partner give you hope by telling you things will change?

The Dating Violence Cycle

 

How to seek help… If any of this information pertains to you and your relationship you should seriously consider seeking help!

For You:  If you are in a dating violence relationship the most important thing to know is that the abuse is NOT your fault. If you are being abused:

  • Take it seriously-recognize that it is abuse!
  • Tell your abuser the violence must stop!
  • Say “no” clearly if you don’t want to have sex!
  • Plan for your safety
  • Tell your parents or a trusted adult.
  • Call the police or other authorities.
  • Call a hotline.
  • Find a counselor or support group.
  • Talk to friends.
  • Do things for yourself that make you feel stronger.
  • Take a self-defense class.
  • Have the courage to get help.

For Others:  To help others you need to be informed, lend a sympathetic, nonjudgmental ear, guide he/she to community services, focus on his/her strengths, remind them of the seriousness of the situation, and most importantly be a friend.

Remember that by helping someone who is in a dating violence situation you may be improving his/her life.

Domestic/Sexual Assault Outreach Center

24 hour Crisis Line 1-888-356-2006

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Toll-Free Crisis Line 1 (888) 356-2006